if only you knew...


i thought about it the whole night. i know that it can't be helped. you're not the first... but it definitely won't be the last either... and i can't help feeling afraid... i know we will all say stuff like nothing will change and stuff. but its hard to make sure it stays the same... and i know that because i have seen it happened before... it has happened once... perhaps i didn't tell you guys before? as for what happened then... maybe its because i didn't try hard enough... the last time it was relatively near... what about now... its even further... and given such circumstances... can things really stay the same? can it last? i don't have an answer...i really don't... and i'm not ready for it.... i really really don't know if i can take it...


today's my dad's birthday. since he won't even be reading this its no point to wish him here. hahas. i'm beginning to see the crack. how we use to laugh together... how we used to enjoy weekends together as one family. and perhaps i have caused all of this to change. i'm sorry. really.

cried myself to sleep
at 10:32 PM

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