where were you when i needed you the most...
woke up at 9 today... which is pretty unusual considering the fact that it saturday. the day where i wake up at 12 to 1 since i don't have anything on.

and again i've been thinking hard in my sleep... only to get really really disturbing thoughts sufficient to wake me up from my well-deserved sleep. its all the same. thoughts about life. what i intend to do with it and the devastation of it all... and heck. my life is screwed... rather beyond redemption. gosh. debbie debbie... what have you done to desserve this? too much. i've done and gone through too much unkowingly that i realise it only now. i'm really really sorry. and its really late. too late to change anything.

its sad to know that while i'm here feeling sorry for myself there are many others out there suffering fates worst than mine.think of those who lost loved ones in disasters. so my guess is that my lot isn't really that bad. what have i lost exactly? and yet its a loss great enough to overwhelm me...

i'm not sure if i can take it anymore. my self-induced optimism seems to be mentally exhausting. day by day as i expect to be relieved... to feel lesser pain, i find myself inflicted with more gaping wounds that i hurt so much so that i'm numb to it all...

somehow i think itien's right. face it. hate it. then get over it. but its easier said than done. she called me a few days back and i realised how i've been too busy trying to stay away from everything that i actually haven't contacted her for so long... and i felt comforted to have her talking to me as if we were back in sectwo again.two dumb ppl competing to call each other "toot" and "tooter" talking crap at the back of the classroom and always slacking. anyways... the tooter shall learn from the toot and not follow inher footsteps! =)

tomorrow's mothers' day!!! yuppps. went to celebrate just now though! and we ate a gaint earthquake which means there were like 2 scoops per person! feeling totally guilty now. but indulgence keeps me happy=) hahs. and i totally like that feeling =) except for the hole that i have now in my pocket... hahs. but its once a year and i get to celebrate my dad's birthday early too! hahas. =)

cried myself to sleep
at 9:16 PM

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