the striking differences...

the J1s remind me of orientation last year... well. i had my bestest friends to go through orientation with me... dramfeste days and stuff... O's results came, things change and well. a year down my life seems strikingly unfamiliar now. how i numb at failed tests which never was the case. how many failed attempts at stuff in one short year. more than the failures i have probably faced in the earlier years of my life(the ones before JC). perhaps the only times i felt like a total loser back then was when i got into tuudee or when i failed phy eoys back then. now it matters not when i feel like a loser but instead when i don't feel like one...
it seems i'm like going through what june did with suyuan in JLC. "the raised hopes and failed expectations" yeah. perhaps lit can relate to real life like how it was argued in that GP compre test. though i remain firm in the fact that i dun see how identifying myself with the characters in the book can actually help me or save me from a disaster. and fact is the hopes and expectations are probably from myself. yeah. and its the same in every case. the few failed interviews i went for on the basis of good O level results which seriously does not represent ones capability(look at my grades now and its obvious)... and the failure at many other things i tried to do in the past year... and failure of things i am trying to do in the coming year. yeah. the so called ' welcome to the real world' is happening i suppose. earlier than i expected it to come...


went out with cong yest... got to buy nice(and cheap) stickers though i forgot to get the super nice bangle that i really liked. gosh. ah. the stickers kept me happy for a while... like 2 minutes and i haven't seen it since i got home yest... tmr will be like a revelation day... no hopes whatsoever. and wishes are for people who are still hoping... and i guess i have no need for one... and after hours and hours of reflecting(rather stoning) in front of page one of my econs notes.... i'm still at it. the first page of my econs notes... and i'm afraid to let myself down... again....

cried myself to sleep
at 1:34 PM

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